Human: the day i run a marathon is the day i die.
Alien: *makes note to keep human away from marathons*
Weeks later
Human: Just got back from a marathon!
Alien: *SCREECH*
Human: Dude, when you hear this you’ll shit bricks!
Alien: *Eye tendrils flex* I-i-i’d prefer if you wouldnt tell me, thank you.
Human when it is hot: “I will fucking fight the sun”
Alien: “Please don’t. And you know that that isn’t possible”
–
Human: “If you say that one more time I will kill you”
Alien: “REQUESTING BACK UP, THE HUMAN WANT TO KILL EACH OTHER, I DON’T KNOW WHY”
–
Human: “Quit scaring me like that, you gave me a heart attack”
Alien: “Why aren’t you going to the hospital yet?”
“Oh god when I show my parents my report card they are going to kill me!!!”
“CONTROL CENTRE YES WE NEED ALL EYES ON THE HUMAN’S BIRTHLINGS I THINK THEY ARE PLANNING A HOMICIDE-”
I laughed waaayyyy too hard at the ‘eye tendrils twitching’
“Its raining cats and dogs!”
“I don’t see any of your domesticated animals falling from the sky..”
“I could eat a horse.”
“But, that doesn’t seem possible due to proportional differences.”
Aliens but they take shit too seriously
Published
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