List of things to say when someone asks why you don’t want kids

the-mystical-wolf:

damekitty:

lindsaaayyy:

vicmartin:

nerdfighterwhatevernumbers:

• I promised my firstborn to a witch and really don’t want to make good on the deal
• Well you can have them FOR me if it’s that big a deal to you
• I don’t think I could get a good price for em on the black market
• Fight me Helen
• I can’t be a better parent than Angelina Jolie so why even bother
• That’s my nindo. My ninja way.
• I literally JUST sat down
• Recite “The Highway Man” from Over the Garden Wall
• Kids? What are those? I don’t understand. What are these youOH GRAVY WHAT IS THAT!?
• Oohhh no, I’ve seen Disney movies, I know what happens to mothers
• Centipedes? In my vagina?
• *Angrily* YOU SEE!? This is just like that episode of Spongebob! *insert the plot of any episode of Spongebob in excruciating detail*
• I heard they’re.. you know.. itchy. Like, as soon as you have a kid. Just totally itchy. Everything.
• I’m an Aries
• Well, we already got an even number so.. *shrug*
• I must first capture the Avatar to regain my honor
• I’m allergic
• That’s just what the communists want!
• I’ve been dead for seven years
• Santa didn’t bring me one last Christmas, so I guess it’s no meant to be
• I’m afraid they’ll have bad taste in memes
• It would be unfair to my cat
• I’m chaotic neutral
• *long farting noise lasting at least 45 seconds*
• “I don’t want to have children, I want to stay single, and let my hair flow in the wind as I ride through the glen firing arrows into the sunset.”

you got me at i’m an aries

It would be unfair to my cat

“Santa didn’t bring me one last Christmas”

“I must first capture the Avatar to regain my honor”

I’m using this