This is so important, stories like this need to be told. The cultural insistence we have that parenthood is some kind of magical bonding that happens every time without exception does real harm to both parents and children, as you can see from some of these stories:
My father recently told me he never wanted kids, but my mother wanted them. She thought he would love us when we were born.
and
I didn’t realize that a maternal instinct is not universal. You know how
you see parents in the delivery room and they are crying tears of joy? I
felt nothing.[…] My boys are well cared for and I am always here for them, but it feels very unnatural and fake and unenjoyable. It
is a bit like a retail job you don’t like where you put on a fake
persona and slog through it the best you can. I don’t get to leave this
job, though.and
I also thought I wouldn’t mind missing out on all the partying and holidays because I would have the ultimate gift, a child.
and
I always said I would never have children. I hate kids..I do. I am just not that type of nurturing person. I was always very careful to make sure protection was in use (condoms, birth control) but I am that .1% and apparently very fertile. I do not have that natural motherly instinct that all women seem to have, you know..that one that kicks in the moment they know they’re pregnant. I have to work really hard at it and it’s exhausting. I miss my solitude and being able to “check out” of reality from time to time.
and
Because kids aren’t the life completer we believe they are.
Are there people for whom having children completes their lives? No doubt. Are there parents for whom the downsides like sleeplessness and loss of personal time are outweighed by the love and joy they feel? Of course. Are there people who change their minds about wanting kids once they have them? Sure. But that’s not true for everyone. It doesn’t happen every time, it’s never guaranteed, and the consequences are grievous when people who don’t want children have them anyway trusting that they will love the child and be happy.
We need to dispel the starry-eyed myths around pregnancy, childbirth, and marriage and create more realistic expectations. Parenthood is too important a choice for people not to go into it with their eyes open.
“It doesn’t happen every time, it’s never guaranteed, and the consequences are grievous when people who don’t want children have them anyway trusting that they will love the child and be happy.”
This is why being told things like ‘‘You’ll change your mind when you’re older’‘ and ‘‘Its just maternal instinct! All women got a biological clock!’‘ is so harmful and dangerous.
It invalidates what people feel about it, and makes blatant stereotypes an excuse to pressure people into doing something not only dangerous (pregnancy) but potentially mentally devastating to both unwilling and unenthusiastic parents (having unwanted children) AND children (living with parents that don’t want them).
i never want children and i want to show everyone this post who says “youll want them when your older!!”
Like yes to all above but if you still feel completely disinterested in the wellbeing of a living, breathing, vulnerable human being after you have them, you’re kind of a selfish asshole. I get feeling frustrated with parenting. I get even feeling alienated by it. But these people saying they feel NOTHING for their kids are disturbing to me.
Like NOTHING??? Lmao lets not normalize feeling nothing for people in your life, especially children that solely rely on your caring and nurturing and your love to grow. Like we don’t need to normalize or legitimize that. Gross.
Your kids know you and can read your feelings. They likely know you don’t care about them and that must be horribly isolating and lonely.
…which is the whole point of the post? to be like, don’t have kids if you don’t want them because things aren’t going to change unlike what society says to ppl who want to remain childfree
some ppl are very committed to missing the point
Parents of Reddit Confess Why They Regret Having Kids
Published
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