shittydndideas:

Shitty Talking Swords:

A list of swords, all of which can speak, but that you probably shouldn’t listen to

1. A sword that gives bad advice
2. One that only says “fuck,” and never at the right moment
3. A sword that makes bad puns
4. A sword that screams nonstop, even when sheathed
5. One that makes dick jokes and other innuendos, and always at the wrong time
6. A sword that is sentient and intelligent, but has nothing to say
7. A sword that was enchanted to repeat ads
8. One that will talk to everyone except its wielder
9. A sentient sword that makes you sit through a recitation of all its past wielders and battles every time you draw it
10. A sword that speaks in hashtags
11. One that only speaks in rhymed iambic tetrameter
12. A psychic sword that senses what languages everyone present speaks and will only speak in a language no one knows
13. A sword that criticizes your fighting technique during battle
14. A sword that thinks it’s a living being
15. A sword that’s uncomfortably aggressive